Disturbia

I think the disclaimer on the bottle of little yellow pills should be changed to read:  “Warning: Do Not Consume Alcohol When Taking this Medication…….unless you have children, in which case, pill is only effective when taken with alcohol”

Can I get a Hallelujah and Amen??!

Four weeks ago, Little Man breaks his arm.  By jumping off the couch.  Not only does he break it, but completely displaces the bones.  As horrific of an experience as that was, I assumed that was the worst of it.  That after a month stuck in a full arm cast, things would be healed.  Mostly.

Yeah.  Not so much.

At his 4 week check up with the orthopedist, his arm looks like this……

And this was revealed after the traumatizing experience of having to hold him down on the table, while they “sawed” the cast off, while he screamed “mommy!! mommy!!!” over & over.  Convinced they were going to “saw” his arm completely off. 

I was shaking.  Sweating profusely.  My 2 year old was climbing up the back of my legs in fear for her own life after witnessing the torture her brother was enduring.

I had no words of comfort for him.  Or for her.  Only regret.  For not having taken a dose of Xanax before leaving the house.

The bone is still broken.  And shifting.  His arm remains swollen.  And bruised.  My nerves are shot.  My patience is gone.

Even though my limbs are physically intact, I spent the rest of the day feeling totally disturbed.  I feel helpless.  Useless.  Nervous.  Anxious.

Will his arm ever look normal??  Is he permanently deformed??

The doctor assures me that eventually things will heal.  But as his mother, I feel like I have to fix this.  Make it better.  Right.  Now.

And the bigger problem is, I know this is just the beginning.  Of a ‘mom’-life filled with worry, panic, frustration and tears.  Yeah, yeah, yeah….I know. It’s all balanced out with joy, happiness and laughter. blah, blah, blah.  But those are the easy moments.  These are the moments that SUCK!!!

"They" say whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.  My question is: How do you know it's not just killing you slowly???!!!

Ugh.