He Doesn't Pay Rent....

.....our new front porch "resident".  But, I'm still using him to my advantage.

Part of me really wants him gone because he is a ginormous freak of nature and it actually grosses me out to look at him (I've never really been a *nature-lover* type).  Although I'm sure some would find him a little fascinating.

But, I gotta admit, I really like to use him as leverage against the kids when they misbehave.  It's awesome!

"Do you want mommy to feed you to the spider??  No?  Well, then stop kicking the ball in the house"

*Disclaimer:  If you think this makes me a bad mother, you are correct.  However, I do much worse shit to my kids than threaten to feed them to an octopus/chihuahua/vampire bat/spider hybrid.  They were already screwed up (because of me), but for many other reasons *

Addendum: As of this morning, "Charlotte" (as my husband called him/her) has chosen to vacate his/her position on the front porch.  Probably on the hunt for a stray cat for breakfast.  
I guess I will need to come up with a new way to threaten my children inappropriately.  Drat!