Tuesday, December 28, 2010


Dear woman in front of me in line at the store, purchasing a pregnancy test, and watching in horror as my children terrorized me, each other and everyone in a 5 yard radius: I truly hope we did not ruin this moment in time for you. If it's any consolation, I'm sure your unborn child will be the exact opposite of mine.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

You know you're tired when: A. you turn the water on to take a shower, get distracted, then realize 20mins. later the water is still running; B. you leave your house key in the front door when you leave the house; C. you "lose" your cell phone for the 8th time in one day, then find it later when you hear a ringing come from your sock drawer.
When my kids are old enough to drive, I'm going to sit in the backseat and kick the drivers seat, throw cheerios & crackers at them, scream, yell & complain and say "are we there yet??", "I'm hungry!!" and "I have to go to the bathroom!" over & over. It's going to be great.

Postive thoughts...

I am focusing on the "Positives": 1. The fact that I never sleep means I do not suffer from Narcolepsy; 2. I am a proud sponsor of multiple drug companies; 3. If my children were not constantly needing to go to specialists of all kinds, I would not know my way around Raleigh; 4. If I didn't have use of my arms, I could not lift wine-glass-to-mouth so easily.
While reprimanding child #1 for bad behavior (which includes some very embarrassing moments in front of others), child #2 has a poop explosion, which she then turns into a paint party all over the dining room chair. Threw child #2 into tub, forgot child #1's dinner in toaster oven, which then started a 'small' fire....a...t what point does one just start crying??


This is why A: you should never leave a toddler alone in a room longer than 10 seconds, B: I am close to being certifiable, and C: I need a vacation!!!
Things that elicit seizure-like activity in my children: diaper changes, getting dressed, getting told it's bath-time, getting told it's bed-time, getting strapped into the carseat, getting told "we're running late, it's time to go!"..........
I am starting a support group, which will be called: 'Mothers of Defective Children'. Yes, there will be lots of wine involved.

Thanksgiving trip to Florida....

Today's visual: 11 hours in the car; 2 diaper blow-outs; a pit-stop at the FL "welcome center", which had NO paper towels, OR running water; me using curse words that should never come out of a mother's mouth; being dead stopped in traffic, which forces your 5yo to use the "potty" on the side of the highway; and your h...usband singing Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch in the car...discuss amongst yourselves.
My son, Conner: "mommy, what if Jesus lived with us?" Me: "well, then we'd save a lot of money because Jesus can turn water into wine"....not sure if that was an 'appropriate' comeback, but it seemed funny at the time.
OK...so I don't learn lessons well.....Ella + alone in a room + hidden white-out bottle = sneaky child, who finds white-out and paints herself, the desk, the computer, the keyboard and any paper within reach....including bills. Can I use that as an excuse to NOT pay bills?? Kinda like "the dog ate my homework"?
2200 sq. feet of space, 2 rooms filled with toys & games...yet my children insist on either 'gluing' themselves to me, or trying to kill each other. I think they have a secret bet on who is going to send me over the deep end first!!
I didn't realize they gave out PhD's in Mothering. Yes, apparently it's true! It gives you the knowledge and ability to judge every other mother in the world and tell them what makes THEM a bad mom, since holding said PhD, obviously makes YOU the expert. Who knew??

Ho Ho Ho....our visit with Santa. I think it went well

I've always wanted a WHITE Christmas!!! Finally got my wish - just a day late. Thinking of re-wrapping all the gifts and forcing the kids to re-create yesterday morning! ;)