Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Why we love road trips.........

These are the moments we'll remember forever.  Right???!

Even with all of the stress and anxiety of planning to get out of town........ the 87 pounds of luggage, and crap, we need to pack for 3 days at the beach..... the 46 "are we there yet??"'s whined out in a 30 minute stretch.......  the hillbilly hell we get trapped in off the 95fwy, while Gomer Pile tries to figure out how to work the gas station credit card machine..........

..........  it's the little things that make us laugh.....(or at least, the little people strapped into the backseat of the car, trying their best to keep themselves entertained).

Yes, people.  This went on for quite some time.

(And please disregard the 8 chins you will see on me at the end of the video.  I'm a work in progress)

Thursday, May 26, 2011


This tired mommy is taking a temporary break from blogging, so that I can prepare and spend this coming holiday weekend away at the beach.  With my family.

And the 200,00 other vacationers with the same idea.  And the 350,000 bikers expected to also be there for "Bike Week" (this tidbit of information was not realized until after scheduling said weekend away at the beach).

Oh well.  Should make for some interesting writing material.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend  (otherwise referred to as *Stuck-With-Your-Family-for-72-Hours-Weekend*)!!  

I'll be praying we all make it out alive.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

So many questions, so little time......

 These are questions for you more "mature" moms out there.......

When do they become *normal*?  Our children, I mean.  When are they capable of common sense?  When do they start having rational thoughts?  When are they able to communicate those thoughts in ways that don't involve screaming and seizure-like activity?

When will I get through an hour without having to raise my voice or repeat the same statement 8 times?

When do siblings stop trying to kill each other?  When can I leave them alone in a room without any tears or blood being shed?

When will I have privacy in the bathroom again?  When will I be able to take a shower without the sound of screaming, crying, complaining, arguing and doors slamming as my background music?

When will I stop feeling like I might need to *drink* my breakfast, lunch & dinner?

Thursday, May 19, 2011

How NOT to handle a situation......

I believe I have stated in earlier posts, that one of the reasons I love our neighborhood, is that the elementary school is located inside of it.  In fact, it was one of the primary reasons I wanted to buy this house.  We can see the back of the school from the front of our house.  I can hear the children playing outside at recess.  And I can walk my kindergartner to and from each day (which perhaps isn't such a wonderful thing when it's pouring rain outside, but, whatever).

Another bonus of this, is getting to meet other parents while waiting on the lawn at pick up time.  For the most part, you meet some great people in your neighborhood.  Maybe schedule some play dates.  Meet at the pool.

One of the moms I met actually just moved in up the street from us.  Her kids are a little bit older, but so far, they've all gotten along great, despite the age difference.  She informed me one day after school, while picking up her son, that her daughter was absent because they had found lice in her hair.


Isn't that something that becomes an epidemic in a school??!!

Just hearing the word (ick!) gives me the heebie-jeebies!!!  I know, as a mother, we are going to be faced with disgusting things.  I mean, I feel like I've had my fair share already.  But something about combing little bugs out of my child's hair, is at the top of the list of things I hope I    NEVER.  HAVE.  TO.  DO    !!!!!  

I was composed when my son split his chin open and had to get stitches, when my daughter had Salmonella for 3 months (those are diapers you don't wanna change, trust me), and when I thought we would need the jaws of life to free my son's shoulders from the monkey bars.  But, for real, I will need to be heavily medicated, or drinking large quantities of vodka, if that day ever arrives.

So, on our walk home from school yesterday, I noticed something on the back of my son's head.  Now, let me just preface this by saying......he has minimal hair to begin with.  It's very thin, and blonde, and we just gave him a summer buzz cut.
I see something small and white  (and I really have no idea what lice actually look like, but in my head I'm envisioning some maggot-like creature).   So, what do I do??    


Right there.  In the middle of the street.  Scaring the bejesus out of both of my children, and everyone around us  (I'm sure that won me lots of approval from other parents).

Long (embarrassing) story short.  It was sand.  Not lice.  And I'm really hoping this was not a "dry run".


(image credit.......clipartoday.com)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Reasons why I sometimes want to smack random people........

1.  Straight from the mouth of the receptionist at the pediatricians office: "ma'am, you need to stand there after you sign in until we acknowledge you, otherwise we may overlook that you are here".   And, the point of the SIGN IN sheet would be...???
2.  Confusion, as to how something I advertise for sale on craigslist as "CASH & PICK-UP ONLY", turns into "I'm really interested in _________. Will you take $30 less than what you are asking, AND deliver to me, 30 miles away"   Oh, sure. In fact, why don't I just go ahead and pay YOU for taking it off my hands?! Really, people??
3.  US magazine: while I appreciate finding out which jeans will be most flattering for my figure, please keep in mind, 1.) I am not married to Tom Cruise (thank God);  2.) I am not a "Real" Housewife of Orange County;  3.) I have not invented or patented anything that has made me millions. Therefore, I can not afford a $2000 pair of pants, no matter how small my butt will look. Thanks. Sincerely, 'Bootylicious'.
4.  People who knock on my front door and try to sell me $hit.  In fact, I'm having a sign made....I'm debating between - "Solicitors will be SHOT with a water gun"; "BEWARE of children: they attack on command" or "If I had any money to buy whatever crap your selling, do you think I would look like THIS??"
5.  The idiot DR. at the Urgent Care where I ended up one night after spiking fever of 104.  Positive for Strep Throat.  Doogie Howser, MD steps out of the room, leaves the door open, and says to the nurse "she's about 20lbs overweight, so I'm going to have to increase the penicillin dose".  I can HEAR you M-F-er!!!!   I should have licked him or spit at him. Way to kick someone when they're down.
6.  TRUE STORY:   I take both kids to a Mexican "restaurant" for lunch and order a large cheese quesadilla for C and I to share. Wait for it.......the girl behind the counter says "Do you want cheese on that?"
7.  The check out clerk at Target.  As I stand in line, holding onto a screaming baby, covered in spit-up, yelling at a 4 year old who's pulling everything off every shelf....... Do I look amused as you pay more attention to a conversation with your co-worker, therefore ringing me up two times for the same  item, or when you STOP ringing me up and help said co-worker figure out how to scan a coupon??!! You may get paid to be there, I DON'T!!!
8.  Standing in line, in the hot, scalding sun for 45 minutes on the 4th of July, so my 4 year old can get a balloon animal, only to pop it 2 minutes after he gets his hands on it - and then scream for 20 minutes because he popped it........
9.  Elmo's voice.
(image credit...........picturesof.net)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

What in the world?!?!

"In a bitter child custody battle, Alaina Giordano's terminal breast cancer has been a strike against her in court. A North Carolina judge denied Giordano primary custody of her two children in part because "the course of her disease is unknown" and "children who have a parent with cancer need more contact with the non-ill parent."


This story, although just recently introduced to me, has completely captured my heart.  It actually makes me sick to my stomach to think about such a tragic situation.  I have chosen to devote today's blog post to this story, in hopes of getting the word out there to more people who will feel the same.  And do what they can, to make a difference.

I, myself, lost my mother to breast cancer 3 short years ago.  She will never know her grandchildren.  I have a friend who is currently battling the disease, all while trying to play mother and wife, at the same time.  I have a dear, childhood friend who passed away from cervical cancer last August, leaving behind 3 young children (the youngest of whom, was 2 years old).  My husband's aunt, mother to 5 children, is a breast cancer survivor.

One of my biggest fears in life, is that I won't be around to watch my children grow up.  See them go to the prom, graduate high school, go off to college (or not), get married, have their own children.  But, if that is the card I am dealt, I hope to spend every last waking moment as their mother.  Savoring every memory, every breath they take.

There are several avenues to this story.  I am only supplying a few here.  Please take the time to read these articles.  Social media is a very strong power.

I pray none of us ever finds ourselves in a similar situation.



Saturday, May 7, 2011

The $*it stops here.

Potty training.  What a glorious, soul-sucking time in a mom's life.  Am I right??

It's not bad enough we've had to change their diapers 30 times a day for the last 2 to 3 years.  Clean their bodies, the walls, the sheets and the crib after "poo-splosions" (that for some reason, in MY house, always happen on mommy's watch.  Never daddy's.  I'm convinced it's some type of conspiracy).  

But, now, we actually have to sit on the bathroom floor, in front of the toilet (thinking about how badly the floorboards need to be cleaned, but Lord knows we'll never actually get that done), bribing them with skittles and M&M's, singing stupid songs over and over, just in the hope of coercing them to make a "tiny tinkle" on the "big potty".  It's borderline degrading.

And don't even get me started on those stupid automatic flush toilets that seem to set us back on the whole potty training "adventure" by at least 3 months.  The genius behind this invention clearly never had a toddler who was certain the toilet had a monster hiding in the hole waiting to grab him and suck him down into oblivion.

We potty trained our son at 3 years old.  I was 8 weeks pregnant.  I could barely take the smell of linoleum, let alone a poopy diaper.  I bought toys that I knew he wanted and put them on top of the refrigerator so he would actually have visible proof of his rewards for getting out of diapers.  It was a month of hell.  A 20 minute trip to Target turned into a 2 hour nightmare.   

"Mommy, I have to go potty".

"Are you sure this time?  We've been to the bathroom 3 times already and you haven't gone" (not to mention we are in the back of the store, and the cart is full.  With frozen food & perishables)

"I'm sure this time".


But, you've got no choice.  It's all part of  this glamorous job called motherhood.

I figured it would work about the same with our daughter (now 26 months old).  However, she has a propensity for nudity and a refusal to wear diapers (and shoes).  She decided over the this past weekend that she was going to spend her time completely diaper free.  And to my total astonishment, she actually went into the bathroom and used the big potty ALL.  BY.  HERSELF.  There was actually soundtrack music in my head as I envisioned my life with NO.  MORE.  DIAPERS.


Until she squatted down, over her brother, who was lying face down on the carpeted living room floor........and crapped on him. 

So, she's back in diapers.  The soundtrack music shut off abruptly.  And this incident will definitely be going on the list:  "Reasons Why My Kids Are So Screwed Up".

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Field Day. Genious.

Although this is not an "official" diagnosis, and although I didn't receive a medical degree from Harvard U., and although I have a tendency to be somewhat of a 'hypochondriac' (insert sarcastic air-quotes)...........I am convinced that my 5 year old son (soon to be 6) has some type of enzyme malfunction in his body, and methamphetamine's are actually being produced through his DNA.

He rarely sleeps.  He stopped napping at 3.  And yet, he still has the energy of a hungry cheetah chasing after it's prey.  This behavior begins precisely at 5:30am, when he wakes up.

We've even gone so far as to have a sleep study done on him, after I discovered (while up every 2 hours feeding a newborn), that the child literally  was awake most of the night, playing in his room.

Turns out he's highly anemic, which has caused Restless Leg Syndrome, therefore affecting his ability to sleep well.  Even now, with iron supplements and a neurologic drug to control the RLS, he is deemed a "hi-energy child".  Which in MY dictionary, translates into "ADD/OCD/hyperactive/stress-inducing lunatic who drives his mother to the brink of cliff diving ....without a net". 

There is no rest for the weary in my house.

So, today, at school, was a "Boosterthon Fun Run".  Basically, a way to raise money for the school AND allow the kids to participate at the same time.  They had the opportunity to run up to 35 "laps" (maximum) and raise money  per lap they completed.  Parents were allowed to watch and cheer on.

My son has been excited about this for weeks.  Convinced he would run 50 laps!  We got him some new tennis shoes and deemed them his "speedy shoes".  We mentally prepared last night and told him to get lots of rest.  (He was still awake by 5:30am).

It was adorable to watch this Leadership Team get all these kids wound up and excited to run.  They played music and got everybody involved and cheering.  And kept the kids motivated.

Until lap 5.

What started off as a pack of wild buffalo set loose from captivity as soon as the horn sounded, turned into sweaty, whiny, tired children trying to hold each other up or knock each other down to get one step closer to the finish.  My son walks by me and says, defeated, "when are they gonna let us stop??!"  I've never seen that many tired children in one central location.   


I'm amazed no one needed a medic on the field.  And no one fell asleep in class after wards.

He was SO tired when I picked him up after school, that he came home, sat on the couch, waited quietly for his dinner, didn't bother his sister, took a bath without complaining.....and I didn't have to raise my voice ONCE before bedtime!!!

Hea-ven (please imagine me singing that in a very angelic voice with a choir backing me up and the sky opening.  With lots of doves.  And some dry ice).

So, MY question is, why can't every day be a "Field Day"??  Make these kids run laps in the morning, bore them to death with some math and spelling (I guarantee you teachers, they'll probably sit there quietly) then send them home to their parents who put them to bed at 6:30pm???!

Who's with me??

Monday, May 2, 2011

History Repeats Itself

In light of Mother's Day rapidly approaching (and partly because I really have nothing interesting to say), I've decided to make this post a "photoblog".  I have a couple of photographs of myself and my mother (who lost her battle with breast cancer in March 2008), that are eerily similar to photos taken of me with my own daughter. 

To include a little back story here, my husband and I tried to get pregnant with our second child for almost 2 years.  I had given up hope.  Three months after my mother passed away, I found out I was pregnant.  I instantly knew it was a girl.  I can't explain it.  I just did.  And I felt my mother smile down on me and say "now you're in for it".  Boy, was she ever right.

 circa 1975
(amazing that I'm only 30 years old.  huh. weird)

Halloween 2009

circa 1976

May 2011

So, remember this Mother's Day........it's not about having a *special* day to forget that we are mothers, it's a day to remember how blessed we are to be mothers.