1. I don't have to raise my voice 37 times in a 12 hour period. Or, have to repeat the same statement......... "I said no!"..... 8 times, just to get the point across.
2. I won't have to say things like "put the dead grasshopper down!" OR "stop trying to feed your sister the dead grasshopper!!"
3. Blood, sweat & tears will not be a part of my every day existence.
4. A shower will last longer than 45 seconds...................and will actually occur daily.
5. I will be able to exit a room, where my 2 children remain, and World War III will not break out.
6. The only body orifice, or excrement, I will have to wipe, will be my OWN.
7. Grocery shopping will not involve strapping anyone into a straight jacket, or preventing anyone from hurling themselves out of the shopping cart, all while trying to "coupon".
8. I will once again use a razor, tweezers, and nail polish...........on a regular basis.
9. I will cut up my "mom jeans" and elastic waistband pants and use them to light the fire pit ........(OK, maybe NOT the elastic waistbands. Those are pretty comfortable)
10. I will not live in fear of random, public humiliation. At least, not on a daily basis.
11. I will not recite "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" and "Goodnight Moon" in my sleep.
And, if you are a mother with older , or grown, children, laughing to yourself because you know most of these things will never be a reality... .............please, just let me live in my delusions of grandeur. Your cooperation is appreciated.