Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Stripped: The Ugly Truth

I compare motherhood to standing in front of a mirror, completely naked, and critiquing every inch of my body.  And for me, that never goes well.  I am my Own. Worst. Critic.

Don't fear.  I will not be stripping naked for you literally.  I am being strictly figurative here.  I will not put that evil on you.

I feel like everyone around us functions pretty well as a family unit.  While my kids and I are more like a walking comedy routine.  We could have our own reality show entitled: "Diary of an Unfit Mother: the story of a woman who makes you feel better about your own parenting"

Am I the only one here??

Am I supposed to WORSHIP every moment of my time with my children?  Is being a stay-at-home-mom supposed to feel like Heaven on earth?  ( Because, listen, in my Heaven, I've got a nanny and a maid ).
Do I have to be-friend every other mother at the playground just because we all birthed children at some point?  Is it horrible that I don't want to have a necklace made out of my childrens' baby teeth?

I mean,  I haven't been able to complete a thought since 2005  (Can you still call it "baby brain" when your babies are 2 and 5 ??)

I'm not even sure I could define the word "patience" right now.  I am much more familiar with the term "patients", because that's usually what my children tend to end up as.

Did I miss it when they passed out the maternal manual??  Did I not get the 'once-you-turn-into-a-mom-everything-falls-into-place' gene??

PLEASE, somebody help me feel normal!!

I'm constantly frazzled.  And forgetful.  I actually lit the stove on fire, for the 2ND TIME yesterday.  I started a grilled cheese sandwich, walked away to change a diaper, then remembered I needed to shave my legs, and brush my teeth.  Sure enough, ten minutes later, I couldn't figure out why it smelled so 'smokey' in the house.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.......Being a mother does not come naturally to me.  I have NO idea what I'm doing.  My defining moments as a mother, are usually the ones that make other people laugh, and me cry.

And, YES,  I struggle with the fear of failing my children on a daily (if not hourly) basis.  I love them.  Honestly and truly.  And I don't want to screw them up.  I'm not even quite sure how we'll afford college, let alone years of therapy.

As if to totally sum up this point, my 5 year old says to me, as I drop him off (late) for school this morning:

"Mom, how come we were on time yesterday?"   
(( because that is the rarity around here.  And even a 5 year old notices it ))

Me: "We were?  Wow, that's impressive.  We actually did it once this school year!"


  1. You are not alone, and a the fact that you can throw a Talladega Nights quote in there is proof enough that you are definitly in your right mind.

    "You shut your mouth Chip! I'm high on Mountain Dew!" I. Love. Your. Blog. :)

  2. I'm pretty sure if you were to look in the mirror naked (figuratively of course) I would be staring back at you.

  3. I think there's too much pressure on us mums these days to be better than the next mum. I was never maternal been though my daughter changed my life like I'd never dreamed. I have one or two blogging friends who literally live for their kids. They do everything around them and I feel sometimes that I'm going wrong somewhere. But I'm not. I love my daughter unconditionally and that will never change.

    Interesting post. Found you on Bloggy Moms.
    CJ xx

  4. What a great blog- such a humorous prospective on motherhood...

    I mean think about it...if you don't laugh, you cry!

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