Sunday, March 27, 2011

For All Moms Who Need A Reason to W(h)ine.....

I fully advocate the use of ending each day of 'mommyhood' with a glass of wine (or 2).  I have several reasons why, but, mostly because I feel my life is the official definition of Murphy's Law.  I love my children (now 5 and 2) unconditionally....however, sometimes I do have to remind myself of this.  Does this make me a bad mother?  Perhaps to some people.  A normal mother?  Most likely.
In my home, wine is called "survival juice".  It's my serving of fruit per day.  If I find myself feeling somewhat guilty for indulging because my day has been relatively uneventful (however rare this may be), I pull from my continually growing list of reasons why I own a small refrigerator dedicated solely to the storage of wine bottles (otherwise known as a ‘wine fridge’).  I would personally like to thank (and kiss!) the genius mind behind this invention.
I am sharing this list with my fellow mothers, so that you, too, may pull from it in times of need.......a need for laughter, tears, or a reason to pour yourself your favorite liquid grape.

1.  Your dream job was to be a stay-at-home mom, until your dream then became how to find a job to keep you from staying at home.
2. Your 4 year old decides a busy check-out line at Walmart is the most appropriate time to repeat (loudly) the 'choice phrases' you used while in a fit of road rage earlier that morning.

3. You are a mother to a newborn (enough said), and you find your pre-schooler eating frozen chicken nuggets out of the freezer because he told you he was hungry an hour ago, and you completely forgot.

4. You realize it may be years before you actually get to shower or use the bathroom without an audience

5. You can’t remember the last time you brushed your teeth or washed your hair.....and for this, there is a reason to *toast* the invention of gum and dry-shampoo

6. You feel like every cough, sneeze, and runny nose must be that rare disease you heard about on Dateline....and then find yourself researching every symptom on Google (again, here is another reason to *toast a glass* - to the invention of internet search engines!)

7. The nurse at your pediatricians office is now one of your closest friends because you talk to her more than your friends and family combined

8. Facebook has become your only connection to the outside world
9. You go to a destination an hour away from home, only to discover that your baby has saved up all bodily ‘excrement' for that particular car ride.  When you reach the public restroom, you realize you have forgotten to pack any diaper wipes.  Thankfully, your baby is small enough to fit in the bathroom sink, and there happens to be a functioning hand dryer (completely disregard everyone who is staring at you.  Or just ask them if they wouldn’t mind trading places with you for a few minutes).

10. On a day you feel like you finally have everything "together", you venture out to the dentist's office for your 4yo's first teeth cleaning, with your  7mo strapped into the stroller. While filling out 9 pages of paperwork and trying to keep said 4yo from bouncing off the walls, you hear someone say "ma'am, is that your baby crawling down the hallway?"

11. While reprimanding child #1 for bad behavior (which includes some very embarrassing moments in front of others), child #2 has a poop “explosion”, which she then turns into a paint party all over the dining room chair. You throw child #2 into the tub, forget child #1's dinner in toaster oven, which then starts a 'small' fire
And finally……..
12. You will be traveling via car, plane, boat, or otherwise, with your young children anytime in the near future.  And then, of course, after the return of said travel.

I raise a glass to all of my fellow mothers out there.  This job ain’t easy.  We’re all doing the best we can (presumably), and that’s all we can do.  



  1. I am your sister in wine. I relate to every single damn thing on that list. I relate to the medicinal effects of wine as well. And damn straight it's a serving of fruit. Great post!

  2. LOL...thanks for all the amazing excuses, I'm inspired to open a bottle of red tonight. cheers!

  3. I am not a wine drinker, but I will throw back a beer or 2. I was shocked and amazed at home many of those situations I have had. I thought I was the only one!

    Very fun post!

  4. I knew red wine was good for the heart, but had no idea that it counts as a serving of fruit. Thanks for the tip ;) And for bringing some levity to a very, VERY long day.