Saturday, May 14, 2011

Reasons why I sometimes want to smack random people........

1.  Straight from the mouth of the receptionist at the pediatricians office: "ma'am, you need to stand there after you sign in until we acknowledge you, otherwise we may overlook that you are here".   And, the point of the SIGN IN sheet would be...???
2.  Confusion, as to how something I advertise for sale on craigslist as "CASH & PICK-UP ONLY", turns into "I'm really interested in _________. Will you take $30 less than what you are asking, AND deliver to me, 30 miles away"   Oh, sure. In fact, why don't I just go ahead and pay YOU for taking it off my hands?! Really, people??
3.  US magazine: while I appreciate finding out which jeans will be most flattering for my figure, please keep in mind, 1.) I am not married to Tom Cruise (thank God);  2.) I am not a "Real" Housewife of Orange County;  3.) I have not invented or patented anything that has made me millions. Therefore, I can not afford a $2000 pair of pants, no matter how small my butt will look. Thanks. Sincerely, 'Bootylicious'.
4.  People who knock on my front door and try to sell me $hit.  In fact, I'm having a sign made....I'm debating between - "Solicitors will be SHOT with a water gun"; "BEWARE of children: they attack on command" or "If I had any money to buy whatever crap your selling, do you think I would look like THIS??"
5.  The idiot DR. at the Urgent Care where I ended up one night after spiking fever of 104.  Positive for Strep Throat.  Doogie Howser, MD steps out of the room, leaves the door open, and says to the nurse "she's about 20lbs overweight, so I'm going to have to increase the penicillin dose".  I can HEAR you M-F-er!!!!   I should have licked him or spit at him. Way to kick someone when they're down.
6.  TRUE STORY:   I take both kids to a Mexican "restaurant" for lunch and order a large cheese quesadilla for C and I to share. Wait for it.......the girl behind the counter says "Do you want cheese on that?"
7.  The check out clerk at Target.  As I stand in line, holding onto a screaming baby, covered in spit-up, yelling at a 4 year old who's pulling everything off every shelf....... Do I look amused as you pay more attention to a conversation with your co-worker, therefore ringing me up two times for the same  item, or when you STOP ringing me up and help said co-worker figure out how to scan a coupon??!! You may get paid to be there, I DON'T!!!
8.  Standing in line, in the hot, scalding sun for 45 minutes on the 4th of July, so my 4 year old can get a balloon animal, only to pop it 2 minutes after he gets his hands on it - and then scream for 20 minutes because he popped it........
9.  Elmo's voice.


  1. Oh, the craigslist one drives me insane. I hate how people try to bargain you down. And then give you a sob story as to why you should take $10 for a $100 item. Um, no.

  2. New reader here. Funny post. It reminds me of when I went to the emergency room when my son stuck a popcorn kernel in his nose. She actually asked me if I had tried to have him blow it out. I gave her a look like, would I really be here if he could've blown it out?

  3. I would have smacked that doctor.