Sunday, February 6, 2011

I need a Priest!!!!!

I used to say to myself, and to others, that I will never have another child because I can't go through the *newborn phase* ever again. At this moment, I would like to adjust that statement and say - I will never have another child again because I don't think I will survive the Terrible-Two's one more time!!!!! Sweet Jesus, this child needs an exorcism!! Now I know why she is so dang cute, 'cause I would have dropped her off at the fire station a long time ago.

**(note: author does not condone abandoning your children! But, considers talking about abandoning them therapeutic, and therefore, allowed)**

Today's adventure included a morning trip to the grocery store to restock the depleted supply of food in our house. We made it through exactly TWO aisles before the ugly Terrible-Two monster sprouted it's head on my toddler. Conveniently, the 2 aisles we were able to browse, were the wine & beer section, so tonight's dinner for mommy is covered. But, I digress.....

So, there I was, frazzled, screaming toddler shackled into the shopping cart, purchasing a large case of beer and several bottles of wine.......only. In my defense, before somebody goes calling CPS on me, it is Superbowl Sunday this weekend, and we are expecting guests.

I see a few other moms in the vicinity, and oddly, their children actually resemble human beings. So, what am I doing wrong? Now I'm feeling frazzled AND inferior. Is everyone looking at me like I'm a terrible mother?? Am I to blame for the lunacy that is happening in my life right now?? In reality, I can't see how anyone would be in a position to judge me, especially when most adults have probably experienced some type of public humiliation before. But, it's still hard to not feel like there are adjudicating eyes piercing through my soul, at this particular moment. I could not exit the store soon enough.

Then, I remind myself that I actually have a few girl friends who have multiples. My heart immediately goes out to them!!! If I could afford to take us all on a week long girls' retreat, ladies, I would! There is not enough wine, or a strong enough sedative, in the free world for me to be able to handle more than one 2 year old at a time.

Right now, I can honestly say I am thankful for pacifiers and happy hour (which can not get here soon enough!) In fact, mommy may need a pacifier in order to survive this next year.


  1. Hi! stopping by from MBC. Love your blog.
    Have a nice day!

  2. Oh, you have stirred up some scary memories of shopping with my sons--both who insisted on sitting in the "illegal' section of my undersized Trader Joe's shopping cart even though they were approaching seven years of age. I was getting those CPS eyes from other shoppers long before my boys toppled the cart.
    It was not the first time I had to flee from a grocery store empty handed. Another time I fled from Target after catching my then three-year-old scaling the shelves in the toy section. I waited a month before I dared return to find his favorite green tennis shoe that he had lost there that day.
    Sigh. You have a long road ahead of you. The best advice I can give is to hire a sitter...and give her the shopping list!